Summary: After your family’s death you found new way to relieve all your bad emotions… even when you know it’s a bad thing to do.

Word Count: 1764

Warnings: self harm, blood, deatch [mentioned]

Author: Cass

You lived
with Steve and Bucky for almost eight years now. During this time many bad
things happened.
For example you would find out that Steve returned from mission almost dead… or
you would be a witness of one of Bucky’s panic attack. Then watch him how He
slowly close himself on Steve and you. You always were positive, You believed
in boys and you were stronger for both of them.

But one day your life was ruined by one phone.  It was exactly two weeks ago.

~Two Weeks
ago~

You were
cooking dinner for boys, Y/F/S was playing in background when you happily
walked around in kitchen. It lasted until you heard phone. You thought that
maybe it’s Steve or Bucky, So you quickly went to pick it up.

“Hello?” You
said happily.
“Good morning, miss. Is it… Y/N Y/L/N?” Voice asked. It was man, but not your
Steve or Bucky. Right now you were really scared.

“Yes… It’s me…
but something happened?” You asked and started shiver softly.

“My name is
Alex Radu I’m calling from the Police… I don’t have good news from you miss.”
He said.

Your heart
stopped, you had no idea what to do. You were worried, scared. You wanted just disconnect
the call and ran away.

“W…. What happened…”
You asked but your voice just broke.

“I’m sorry
Miss… But I need to inform you that. Your parents and your brother are
dead.”

You felt
like you gonna pass out there, You only shook your head and tried stop tears “B-But…
But… How… What… What happened…?”

“Truck hit
their car… all three Death on the spot. I’m really sorry miss.” Man said

Next thing
that you remember was sitting on floor crying like a little child.

Steve and
Bucky entered home smiling as always but their smiles faded when they saw you
on floor and smelled burned food.

Steve
quickly put his shield down and went to you when Bucky went to kitchen to make
sure that nothing is on fire.

“Doll… Hey
doll… What wrong? What happened.” Steve asked and sat next to you. He gently
wrapped arms around you and pulled you into hug.

Bucky
quickly joined and also hugged you, He kissed your head and took your hand in
his metal hand “Y/N you know you can tell us.”

You only
looked at them, your eyes were red and a bit swollen “M… My parents… and… Tom…
They… THEY ARE DEAD! I LOST EVERYONE I’M ALONE!” You got up and yelled with
tears on your cheeks. Then you just sat back down.  Bucky and Steve looked at you in shock, You
never yelled at them.

They both
hugged you again. Steve kissed you head “Shhh… Doll. You are never alone… You
have us.”

“Exactly,
little one… You aren’t alone.” Bucky said and kissed your shoulder.

It took a
lots of time to take care of everything. It was hard… Hard to know that you are
alone.
But boys were with you no matter what, they supported you whole time.

~Now~

Maybe all formalities
were hard but the most hard thing was to hide your pain and sorrow. Boys were
sure that you are fine. That they helped you and you feel better but little
have they know.

One night
you woke up from nightmare, you looked around in bed, Steve was on your slept calmly,
wrapped in blanket.
Bucky on your right, He was hugging his pillow, muttering something in his
sleep.

You looked
at them sadly and got up from bed, trying your best to not woke up one of them
(Or with your luck both)

You walked
to bathroom and slowly unbuttoned your shirt. You took it off and looked at
your darkest secret.

Your whole
arm was covered in small and a bit bigger cuts, some were already old and some
still fresh but this wasn’t only place… your whole shoulder, some places on
your chest and even your abdomen was covered in the same cuts.

You started
to self harm yourself not long after that news, You had too much inside you.
Too much pain, too much sorrow… Too much sadness. You don’t wanted die, because
you couldn’t leave boys alone but you wanted do something that could help you
with this emotions.

It helped
you but it forced you to move away from boys. Making love, showers, swimming
together. This all just ended. You knew that boys were worried but they
respected your decision because they think that you are really deep in Mourning

You sighed
softly and looked at yourself in mirror, you looked terrible but it was your
only way to relief. Steve and Bucky would never understand you.

You took
out small razor blade from cabinets, you looked at yourself and found some
places that weren’t marked by metal yet.

You took
deep breath and put blade on empty spot. Cold feeling made you feel better but feeling
of cutting skin made you even more happy, you whimpered at pain and looked at
mirror.

You could
see the line, it become more red with every second then blood started run down
your skin, soft smile appeared on your lips, you bite them hard and started
make more cuts.

After few minutes you looked at yourself in
mirror than you started cry.

You cleaned yourself and made sure to put bandage on your fresh wounds, you
calmed down, dressed up and returned to boys but you forgot to completely clean
your “Crime place”

---

At Morning
when you still were in bed Bucky was in bathroom and Steve was in kitchen.

Bucky
looked into cabinets and blinked when He saw that some razor blade were missing
as well as bandages.

“Steeevee?!
Did you maybe used my razor blade? Or bandages?!” He yelled.

Steve went
to bathroom and looked at Bucky “Do I look like person that use them? “ He
asked frowning softly.

“No… but
they are missing and only I use them in this house.” Bucky muttered.

Steve
rolled his eyes “Maybe you used them and you don’t remember this?”

Bucky
sighed “Steve, I’m old but I don’t have Alzheimer.” He growled “Maybe Y/N used
them.”

“Yep!
Because our girl needs to use your razor blade and bandages.” He said and
looked at him.

Bucky
sighed sadly “You know… I don’t like one thing. They disappear almost every day…
both things, nothing else… but today I found this.” He said and showed Steve small
white towel with stains of blood “And I’m sure it’s not yours.” Bucky looked at
Steve worried “It’s also not mine… So, if it’s not mine and it’s not yours than…”

“Y/N..”
Steve said worried, looking at his friend.

Both of
them went to bedroom, Steve sat on bed and gently kissed you cheek to wake you
up
“Hey, doll. Sorry that we wake you up but We need to ask you something.”

“Hmmm…” You
muttered and opened one eye to look at your boys.

Bucky showed
you towel “I found it in bathroom… Do you wanna tell us something?” He asked

You quickly
woke up and sat up “Um.. I… I cut myself yesterday. I think I forgot to put it
in basked… I’m sorry boys.” You said and made your best fake smile.

Steve and
Bucky looked at each other, they didn’t believed you but they decided not to
press you.

Rest of the
day was calm but Steve and Bucky watched you, trying to find something. All
they could see was your problems with moving.

---

Since this
day both were checking everything. Razor blade and bandages were disappearing
every day and you had bigger problems with moving.

One night when
You were sure they are asleep you got up and went to bathroom to start your
small sick “ritual”
Boys watched you as you left bedroom
“I don’t like it…” Steve whispered
“Let’s follow her..” Bucky said and quietly got up from bed.

They both
followed you to bathroom, Steve slowly opened door.
You were in front of mirror, without your shirt. They looked at your body in
shock.

“Y/N!”
Bucky said in shock “What… What…” He said and looked at you.

You slowly
turned around and looked at them scared “Steve… Bucky… I can explain… I just..”

“Don’t even
say a word. We want see you in living room in a minute.” Steve said frowning
and wet to living room, Bucky followed him.

You could
feel tears in your eyes they had to never find out… never.

Steve was
walking around living room nervous, Bucky was sitting on couch watching him “Dude
calm down.
Steve wanted say something but then He saw you walking down the stairs.

You looked
scared at Steve and sad a Bucky.
Bucky patted his legs “Come here, doll.” You smiled at him softly and sat on
his laps. He stroked your cheek and kissed you gently. Steve sat behind you and
took off shirt from your shoulder, He gently kissed it.
Both looked at you with their big puppy’s eyes “Y/N why? Why you did this to
yourself? Why… Why we know nothing.” Steve said sadly.

You looked
at them and told them everything.
Steve and Bucky were shocked.

Bucky took
your face into his big hands and looked into your eyes
“Listen… We know it’s all hard but even now, you aren’t alone. You have me… you
have Steve and all your friends. We all were so worried that you become so
closed on us. Y/N we two love you too much… you know how it kill us… that… that
you do such a thing to yourself.”

“He is
right, doll. You are important to us. We love you and We will do everything for
you. We and friends… just please don’t hide stuff like this from us, okay.”

You looked
at them and started cry “I promise… I won’t do this again… n-next time I… I
will talk with you or Bucky.”

Steve and Bucky smiled “Good girls.” Bucky said
and they both hugged you tight.

~Few
months later~

You felt
much better. You wounds healed.
You good knew that boys are always with you.
Boy and all your friends, Everyone was making their best to make you feel
loved.

You lost
your real family, but now all your friends and your boys were your family. They
never let you forgot your parents and brother but they also never let you feel
alone or unloved.

This was
the most important to you were loved and you felt happy again.

---

Gif: Not mine, this time I haqve no idea where I found it.

A/N: Hey guys! It’s Cass here. I wrote this short story to show you all something. So… As you all know, I’m Beast gf. The thing is that this is Distance
relationship. For a long time I thought that He is fine, that He only have some
problems in work and that’s all but a day ago… He showed me what He did to himself.
The thing that I saw was terrible.
He also told me about his terrible thoughts… thanks god Me and rest of team
were able to pull him away from those thoughts by this small story, I want to
show you all that no matter what happen, you always can find people that will
be ready to support you and try to help you. That you are never alone. You need
to trust your friends or family, if not then than you should find someone who will
listen to you and try help you.

Take care guys and remember, no one is ever alone.

---

Gif: I have no idea. I just found it on my computer.